Every Once In A While
by ShadowOfApate
Summary: Kerry hires Maggie to clear Kim against Romano. In the meantime she takes a trip to SF, to see an old friend.


Title: Every Once In A While  
Part: 1/?  
Rating: R  
Pairings: Kerry Weaver, Maggie Doyle, Kim Legaspi, Randi, ensemble  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles  
Spoilers: Yes. For everything including possible future episodes.  
Genre: Drama  
Timeline: Post Witch Hunt 

Disclaimers: All characters belong to those fab warner Bros studios. The Beatles, well, they belong to themselves. 

She'd done it this time. She'd run and run, until she'd lost sight of  
the one thing in this world that mattered the most to her. Kim  
Legaspi. Now it was too late. All the apologies in the world wouldn't  
fix this. All the regret, hurt, and sorrow would only lead to  
depression. There was no going back.

She dropped her purse and briefcase onto the kitchen table, too worn  
out to really care about neatness. The dim copper locks popped, and  
the lid fell open, spilling the contents onto the table and floor. She   
stared at the mess, unwilling to stop the tears that sprang up in her  
eyes.

All day, things had been pushing or pulling her, until she felt like a  
piece of play-dough. Ready to break at the slightest tweak.  
Painfully, she bent over and began to carelessly pick everything up.  
Paperwork, charts, budget reports, job offers...

Job offers...?

She stared down at the letter. A new hospital in San Francisco. It  
wasn't even due to open until July, and they were still looking for  
someone to fill the Chief of Emergency position. They were adamant  
about wanting her, she'd even received a call from the board of  
director's asking her to interview.

She'd turned them down, of course. As much as she could taste the  
adventure of launching a new ER, of working in a city that she'd never  
before been involved with, of knowing new people and working with fresh  
talent and faces that she could mold...

She shook off those thoughts. She had commitments here.

'Like what? Carter? You already failed him once, you want to stick  
around and go a second round? Or maybe you're thinking of Malucci?  
The kid that is constantly jumping patients and cracking insensitive  
jokes. Oh wait, I know, Corday? The one that now wants you to die.  
Mark? Hey, you only tried to take his job. Or better yet...Kim?'

Oh god, Kim. How long would she be able to go without running into her  
at work? A week, maybe a couple of days? 'Only if the charges get  
dropped...' 

She slumped onto the floor, letting the papers slip from her hands.  
That was the real issue, wasn't it? She hadn't offered a hint of  
support, her defense for Kim had been less than adequate. She'd felt  
like a love-struck teenager being faced with her angry parents.

More importantly, she'd failed the woman she loved. 

The Bulls were down by a half-dozen points, but Maggie didn't care.  
Finally, after several nights of busting her ass on overtime and  
double-shifts, she had a night off, and she was enjoying it. Even the  
fact that she was currently single didn't bother her at the moment.  
Maybe if she'd had more time off lately, she'd be out at a bar, looking  
for someone to spend the night with, but not right now. Tonight, she  
was happy to pass the evening alone in front of the basketball game on  
TV, with only a beer and a bowl of popcorn for company. The only thing  
that bothered her was the twenty bucks she was gonna owe Mike Hanratty  
if the Bulls lost.

She sat forward eagerly as the ball was caught on the rebound.

"Oh yeah, c'mon, go, go, go!" she yelled at the screen as it was dribbled  
back down the court. The crowd's rising excitement could be heard as  
it was launched toward the hoop... 

Someone knocked on her door, causing Maggie to look away in annoyance.  
When she looked back at the screen, the announcer was declaring it the  
finest slam-dunk he'd ever seen in his entire career, and she'd missed  
it because some bozo wanted to sell her a new deal on carpet cleaning,  
or something...

"Ohhh, MAN...!"

Getting up angrily, she stormed to the door, ready to tear whoever it  
was a new...

"WHAT?!"

"Um...hello, Maggie," said Kerry.

Maggie stared at the open door, unable to hide her shock. It had been  
a few years since the last time since they'd seen each other, and it  
hadn't exactly been under the best of circumstances. The short redhead  
locked older, somehow. The once pixie-styled hair was now a little  
longer, but with no less... character. There were small stress lines  
around her face, and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Dr. Weaver..." she stammered, taken aback at the appearance of this  
figure from her professional past. "Uhh, would you like to come in?"

The short redhead seemed to hesitate just inside the door, her eyes   
scanning the small apartment, before finally stepping just inside the  
door. Maggie raised a single eyebrow at the jittery woman, then closed  
the door. Whatever this was about, it would probably be interesting.

Remembering her manners, Maggie clicked off the TV set. "Would you  
like something to drink? Soda? Beer?" She'd never seen Kerry Weaver  
in a social context before, and she found herself off-guard, a rarity  
for her. Stranger still, Weaver didn't seem any more sure of herself.

"N-no, thank you. I'm fine."

They stared at each other awkwardly, waiting for the other to make a  
move. Maggie managed a polite smile as she rocked slightly on her  
heels. Kerry cleared her throat and shifted.

"I need your help," Kerry blurted at last. 

Maggie stopped rocking and stared blankly at her old boss. The entire  
time she'd known her, she'd never know Weaver to need anyone for  
anything. The truth was that she'd admired the feisty woman. She was  
disabled, short, petite, with a weak voice. But in the end, this woman  
demanded respect. She demanded your best on a day to day basis, it  
didn't matter who you were or where you'd come from. What mattered to  
her was that you were there, and she would be damned if she was going  
to just stand by and let you feel sorry for yourself.

"Help with what?" she asked.

Kerry hesitated, then said, "Could I sit down? I think this will take  
some explaining..."

"Wait, let me get this straight," Maggie said, holding up a hand.  
Romano gets investigated for sexual harassment on not one, or two, or  
even THREE women and he gets to go on with his life as though nothing  
was wrong."

Kerry nodded. 

"But this woman... Legaspi, right? ...is being suspended until further  
notice, because she was accused by a depressed teenager that was  
responsible for countless deaths and injuries...?"

Kerry nodded again.

Maggie let out a disgusted sigh and finished her beer. The world just  
wasn't fair sometimes. She'd chosen to leave County not long after  
Romano became ER Chief, and now he was Chief of the whole damn  
hospital? Wasn't there anyone with any sanity left in that place's   
administration? "Okay, I get it. Shit happens, life's a bitch and  
then you die, and all that. What I don't understand is what you need  
from me, exactly."

Kerry sipped at the soda she'd finally accepted, just for something to  
clear her dry throat. "Maggie...you remember when Jeanie Boulet got  
her job at County back?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm the one who put her in touch with those people,"  
Maggie said with a mix of pride and defiance. She knew that Kerry's  
authority was undermined a little by Jeanie's actions, but she wasn't  
going to apologize for helping a friend stick up for herself.

"I'd guessed that," Kerry told her, recalling how she'd been forced to  
swallow her pride as Anspaugh overruled her and rehired Jeanie to avoid  
a discrimination lawsuit.

"I'd do it again if I had to," Maggie told her.

"I was hoping you'd say that," Kerry replied. She'd been counting on  
Doyle's sense of righteous anger. It hadn't even occurred to her until  
later that Romano had been in a worse situation just a few years  
earlier. 

"Look," Maggie told her, in a softer voice, "I didn't mean it as an  
attack on you, or you authority, or anything like that, Kerry. You  
know I always respected you."

"I know, and I appreciate that."

"Plus, you really stood up for me over that thing with Romano."

"For all the good it did," Kerry grumbled. "He's in a more tyrannical  
position than ever, and he knows it."

"Maybe, but I still appreciate your efforts."

There was a short silence between the two women. Maggie wondered if  
Kerry was disappointed in her for transferring to another hospital  
rather than work under Romano's rule...?

Kerry spoke again. "Obviously there isn't much that could be done  
about Robert, and the two detectives assigned to the case... Let's just  
say they seem less than civil about Kim."

Maggie got herself another beer, then dropped into the seat next to  
Kerry. "They'll crucify her."

Kerry's face crinkled a little more. "That's what I'm afraid of," she  
admitted.

"You don't need me to reach out to the people who helped Jeanie,"   
Maggie said. "You could just contact them yourself..." 

"No, that's not it," Kerry said. "I could certainly go through all the  
regular channels."

Maggie nodded. "So why are you coming to me?"

Kerry hesitated, as though stepping out of her usual modes of thought.   
"What I... What she needs is someone who can investigate the charges  
without drawing a lot of attention. Someone who doesn't have anything  
against gays."

That made Maggie's eyebrows raise. "You mean, somebody...off the  
books? Like, undercover?"

Kerry said nothing, but she didn't frown or shake her head.

"Someone who already knows the crew at County, and has a family in law  
enforcement?"

"That would help," Kerry admitted softly.

Maggie chuckled softly. She had to admit it was very tempting. To be  
able to see the look on Romano's face when he got his homophobia shoved  
right back into his face. But there was something else that gnawed at  
her. "Why are you doing this?"

"I don't understand..."

"If it was one of your staff I could see you going to this kind of  
trouble, but she doesn't work in the ER..."

"She's a fellow colleague, and no one else seems to be wanting to help  
her," Kerry snapped, closing the issue rather obviously. She glared at  
the younger woman and stood up abruptly. "Look if you don't want the  
job, then..."

"I never said I didn't want it." 

"Well?"

Maggie struggled with the urge to laugh. She'd hit a sore nerve, and  
there was no way she was going to give up an opportunity to find out  
just what nerve she'd hit. Not that she didn't already have her own  
suspicions. "Well," she said, "I'll talk to my father, and ask  
around..." 

"Fine," Kerry interrupted. "This is my cell phone number. I'm taking  
some time off, and I'll be leaving town in the morning..."

Maggie took the calling card in her hand and eyed the black lettering.  
"I'll call you in a day or two..."

She trailed off, as the redhead was already out the door. Not so much  
as a goodbye. Kerry Weaver could be distant and uncommunicative, but  
she was usually at least polite. 

Unless she was scared...

Maggie flexed the card in her fingers, trying to think of how she would  
go about accomplishing things for Kerry. Her upbringing in a cop  
family, combined with her contacts in the gay and lesbian community and  
her medical career, had allowed her to build up a wide and varied  
number of friends and associations, who were capable of any number of   
things. Surely, with all of them to choose from, she could find   
someone who could help Kerry and her...colleague.

The remainder of the basketball game went unwatched. Maggie had too  
much on her mind. She was definitely curious, and more than a little   
worried.

'Fellow colleague, huh? Methinks the lady doth protest too much...'

Randi sighed with relief as the ER doors closed on Greene yelling at  
Malucci. The poor guy had been on the receiving end of his bad  
attitude recently. To make things worse, Weaver had decided to take her  
first vacation in two years. All around, she wished she had called in  
sick today.

"Hey, Randi..." 

She turned to the familiar voice, slightly surprised to see Maggie  
Doyle here. The young resident had quietly left county after the Romano  
incident. "Hey, Dr. Doyle," she said, brightening. "What brings you  
'round here? Homesick for the old neighborhood?"

Maggie shook her head, in no mood for kidding around. "I need a  
favor."

Kerry reached over and pressed the skip button on the CD player, the  
lively rock music booming through the car. Not many people knew it  
except Kim, and some of her former boarders like Carter, but Kerry  
actually liked all kinds of music, it just depended on her mood.  
Sometimes she needed to hear some classical or opera, but most of the  
time a good rock song, or R&B tune, was just as good.

She had been driving for a good four hours, and the upbeat music was  
exactly what she needed. She leaned comfortably back in her seat and  
began to sing along. "She would never be free...when I was  
aro-o-ound," she sang. "She's got a ticket to ride, she's got a ticket  
to ri-hi-hide..."

Picking up her cup of coffee she took a long sip, taking a quick glance  
in the mirror...

"...and she don't care," sang a new voice.

"JEEPHURPH...!!" She swallowed half the mouthful of hot liquid, the  
other half spraying out over her dashboard. Coughing violently, she  
swung the car over onto the roadside, slamming on the antilock brakes.  
The passing cars honked loudly while she skidded to a stop that left a   
smell of burning rubber around them. Managing a semi-sane thought, she  
placed the cup back in its holder and spun around to glare into the  
back seat.

The pair of dark brown eyes was regarding her with surprised interest.  
The brunette seemed to be trying to decide something. Finally she  
smiled at her. "Beatles fan, huh? I always knew you weren't as  
uptight as you let on." 

Kerry stared at the clerk, goggle-eyed, trying to figure out if she was  
still asleep, or maybe even in another dimension. "What the HELL are  
you doing in my car?!"

"Sleeping." Randi grinned and held up the blanket that she'd been  
using. "You know, you should really check your back seat before you  
get in your car. You never know who might be back here..."

Title: Every Once In A While  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Kerry Weaver, Kim Legaspi, Maggie Doyle, Randi, ensemble  
Spoilers: Yes, yes, and yes. rolls eyes  
Beta Reader: Scotty Odo Welles

Disclaimer: I don't think so, do you?

"...and you didn't see anything that would indicate that Dr. Legaspi  
was being anything other than professional?" 

Chen shook her head emphatically. "I was in and out of that room the  
entire time she was in there."

"Maybe you just didn't see it."

Chen set her cup of coffee back on the table as she stared at the woman  
sitting across from her. "Look, it wasn't just me. Haleh, Yosh, all  
of us were in and out of that room. Dr. Legaspi just wasn't left alone  
with her long enough to do anything, much less what they're accusing  
her of."

"Did you tell this to the detectives?" 

"For all the good it did."

Maggie sat forward, catching the glint in Chen's voice. "Meaning?" 

"Meaning, they weren't interested. When I told them they closed their  
notebooks and cut me off."

"Did they really?" Maggie sat back again, looking thoughtful. 

"Listen, Dr. Doyle," Chen asked her, "I'm glad to help you but I have  
to ask, what's your interest in this harassment suit?"

Maggie smiled. "Part of it is I used to work here. The rest is  
personal..."

"No," said Kerry.

Sigh. "Come on, Dr. Weaver, it's only for..."

"No," said Kerry. 

Pout. "I just want to..."

"No," said Kerry.

Girlish plea. "It'll be funnnn..." 

Kerry paused. "You mean, the two of us together, letting our hair  
down, seeing the sights and having all kinds of wacky misadventures as  
we hit the open road like two carefree gals on the go?"

"Yeah! Doesn't that sound cool?" 

"No," said Kerry.

Randi groaned, frustrated by Kerry's intractability. She'd kept quiet  
during most of the drive, counting herself thankful that Kerry hadn't  
just pushed her out of the car while it was still moving, into the  
oncoming traffic lane. Only when they were safely checked into the  
first motel they came to did she broach the idea of accompanying Kerry  
on her trip. The motel manager had seen her check in with Kerry, so   
Randi figured that he'd be a witness for the cops if Kerry checked out  
alone and Randi's body was discovered later under mysterious  
circumstances. Given the look in Kerry's eye, it seemed best to take  
those kind of precautions.

She put on a fierce look of firm determination. "Look, Dr. Weaver, I  
made a promise to someone who trusts me, and I honor my word. Besides,   
she's paying me. So I don't care what you say, I am going..." 

Kerry lost patience. "Randi, if you don't let me take you to the  
airport, I will shove my crutch so far up your as--!" 

"I don't have any money!" Randi interrupted her. 

Kerry stared the desk clerk down. That was the first argument Randi  
had made that she believed was entirely sincere, but she did not like  
the almost pleased tone in her voice. "I'll loan you the money," she  
stated.

"I get airsick..."

"You can take the bus back." 

"I'm allergic to the seat covers..."

"I'll buy you an allergy mask."

"If it touches my skin I'll break out."

"Wear jeans and a long sleeved shirt."

"Are you kidding? You want me to risk an allergic attack AND  
compromise my keen sense of fashion?!" Kerry looked ready to explode,  
and Randi hastily changed tactics. "Look, I'm not allowed to travel  
outside the city on my own. It's part of my parole agreement!" Surely  
Kerry Weaver, of all people, would respect a regulation like that.

"Should've thought of that before you stowed away in the back of my  
car." 

"I was tailing you! I didn't know you were gonna go away on vacation  
right then!" Seeing that Kerry was unmoved and unconvinced, she  
dropped the attitude and tried showing some honest vulnerability.  
"Come on, please? If I get caught coming back to Chicago without you,  
my probation officer will send me back to jail."

Kerry arched an eyebrow. "Is that a promise?"

Randi glanced away, trying to keep the hurt from her eyes. She'd  
risked herself, coming on this trip. Dr. Weaver wasn't someone she  
considered approachable, but she'd always believed that under that hard  
facet was a gentle soul. Now she wasn't so sure. Honestly, if anyone  
but Maggie Doyle had asked her...

"I'm leaving at six in the morning," Kerry finally growled. "If you're  
not up and ready to go, I'll leave without you. Then you can hitchhike  
home and take your chances for all I care."

Randi stared at the redhead sitting on the other bed in surprise.  
Weaver met her eyes and scowled, cutting off Randi's joyous yelp before  
she could let it out.

"And don't think that you're just going to joyride all the way to  
California," she warned severely. "You're taking the first shift at  
the wheel." 

"I thought you wanted me to leave. Not that I was giving in."

Kerry shrugged. "I don't want to have to explain to the others why  
Frank is working more shifts." 

Randi was tempted to comment, but decided that under the circumstances  
that probably wouldn't be smart. "So where exactly are we going?"

"San Francisco."

"San Francisco?" she repeated numbly. As far as Randi was concerned   
San Francisco was one of the most boring places in California. It   
rained all the time, and all the best-looking men were gay. "We could  
go to LA instead. I know this club right on the..." 

"No," said Kerry.

Temptation. "We could go to Disneyland...?"

"No," said Kerry. 

Rational argument. "I just think that..."

"No," said Kerry.

Wheedling tone. "Aww, but..."

"No," said Kerry.

"Did you talk to them?"

Lieutenant Doyle shrugged. "According to the detectives, all the  
evidence points to her being guilty."

Maggie sighed heavily and collapsed onto the sofa next to her father.  
All day she'd been talking to hospital staff, she'd 'accidentally'  
gotten a look at Legaspi's file on Wallace (she'd covered for one of  
the filing clerks once when he screwed up, and he owed her one), and  
everything indicated that Kim Legaspi had done nothing wrong. "What   
'evidence'? How do you find 'evidence' in a harassment case? It's one  
person's word against another's!"

Her father let her rant, knowing she wasn't really talking to him.  
Maggie's views on sexual harassment issues were something he knew well,  
and sometimes she just had to let them vent.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out again, Maggie looked at her  
father and asked a real question. "What do you think, Dad? Is this  
bullshit, or do they really have reason to think she came onto this  
girl?" 

"I think that they seemed to be very...flippant about it. Everything  
they told me was either circumstantial, or didn't really prove  
anything."

Maggie nodded absently. She felt like she was standing on a bridge that  
was about to collapse. All the pieces of the case were so messed up  
and tainted, she wasn't even sure that it could be saved. She'd never   
met this Legaspi woman, but everything she heard made Maggie believe  
that she'd never do anything so unprofessional, inappropriate, and  
downright...slimy. Kerry Weaver, who was as honest as they came, had  
vouched for Legaspi wholeheartedly, and that alone was enough to put  
Maggie on the psychiatrist's side. Plus, Weaver had seemed to have  
some sort of personal investment in the whole affair. Maggie couldn't  
help wondering if...? 

Never mind. The important thing was that Legaspi was getting hit on  
all sides. Romano, the cops, and Wallace. Which left what...?

A thought struck her. "I need another favor." 

Her father chuckled softly. "Why am I not surprised?" 

"So why exactly are we going to San Francisco?" 

Kerry cracked her eyes open and sighed. According to the bedside clock  
it was midnight, and Randi wouldn't just lie down and go to sleep. She  
could practically hear the clerk bouncing excitedly on the other bed.  
Kerry had always been a morning person, and if Randi was a night owl  
then she was going to be one of the more aggravating travel companions  
Kerry had ever had. Maybe she should've paid the extra money to get  
Randi a separate room after all. "I'm going because I have some  
business to see about," she muttered, rolling away and burying her face  
in the pillow.

"Business? You take the first vacation in two years and you're using  
it for business?"

"Look, Randi..."

"What kind of business?"

"Go to sleep before I decide to make you sleep in the car."

Randi went quiet and stared petulantly up at the ceiling. She had  
thought that Maggie was overreacting when she'd told her how worried  
she was. She'd only come on this trip because she'd owed Maggie a  
favor. Now, she was beginning to feel worried herself.

After counting silently to one thousand, the desk clerk carefully slid  
off the bed and slipped on her shoes. She took a peek at the smaller   
redhead to make sure she was asleep, then quietly left the room. She  
shivered slightly as the chilly wind hit her immediately. Ignoring the  
voice that screamed at her to go back inside, she walked over to the  
car and opened the trunk.

She flipped the black leather briefcase onto its back and turned the  
numbers. The latches popped open on her first try, allowing her access  
to the papers inside. Sloppy sloppy, she thought, having a briefcase   
with the same combination as her locker at County. Then again, Kerry  
probably didn't think Randi knew that number, either... 

There were a few folders of paperwork that she recognized as the forms  
Romano had left for Weaver to fill out. Who takes paperwork on  
vacation? she thought, and then answered herself immediately. Kerry  
Fill-This-Out-In-Triplicate Weaver, that's who...

She pulled the letter from the smaller pocket and frowned. It was from  
Memorial in San Francisco. The letter was on official stationary, she  
recognized with a smirk. It was the same kind of stationary that they  
used to reject Romano's application. Randi knew that Romano's surgical  
work was considered technically excellent, so either someone at the  
Memorial knew him personally, or he came off as an asshole even on  
paper.

The smirk faded as she focused on the words. She took a sharp breath  
and began to search the larger pocket, where she found Weaver's neatly   
typed and bound resume...

Maggie studied the living room with interest. It wasn't decorated or  
cluttered, it only had the basic furniture with a number of pictures  
scattered around. A lazy boy sofa, two reclining chairs, a coffee  
table and entertainment center. The apartment seemed comfortable and  
personal without being overdone. 

Turning her attention to the pictures, she saw a couple shots of Kim  
with people who she figured were close friends, others that were older  
that could've been family, and one with... Her eyebrows shot up in  
surprise, and she picked up the picture to study it closely.

It showed Kerry Weaver, dressed casually and seated in an extremely  
intimate fashion with Legaspi. From the impression of the picture, she  
figured that they didn't know they were having their picture taken.  
They were both way too relaxed, not to mention the way their heads were  
draped together. Bingo, she thought. Male, female, or combination,  
you see two people who are that comfortable being that close in public,  
and you know they're even closer in private.

A slim hand took the picture from her and sat it back down with a  
gentleness that she didn't miss. The blonde gave her a hard look and  
handed her the glass of wine. "You said you were investigating the  
charges?" 

Maggie took a seat on the couch, not letting the blonde rush her into  
any answers. She had a feeling that, whatever the relationship between  
Legaspi and Weaver, they had hit a rough patch, and Legaspi probably  
wouldn't appreciate her interference. "That's right."

Legaspi frowned deeply. "I wasn't aware that any other detectives were  
assigned to the case."

"I'm not a detective...per se." Maggie meet Legaspi's cool gaze.  
"I've been hired by an outside force to investigate the charges."

"By who? The Wallaces?" Legaspi couldn't restrain a sneer. "What are   
you, a private investigator or something?"

"No, I'm just doing a favor for a friend."

Legaspi snorted and looked away. "Trying to prove I molested a  
suicidal girl..."

"Just the opposite. I'm trying to clear you."

Legaspi stared at her for a long moment, searching for some sign of  
deception. "Why?"

"Because you're not the only one that Romano's screwed over because of  
your sexuality." Maggie crossed her arms and let Kim Legaspi make of   
that whatever she liked.

The tall blonde regarded her with cool, appraising eyes, and Maggie  
could almost feel the force of her intelligence running over her like  
sensor probes on 'Star Trek'. Finally, a hint of approval gave  
Legaspi's face a touch of warmth. "What do you want to know?" she  
asked. 

Randi stared at the phone, unsure what to do. The lateness of the hour  
wasn't a concern; Maggie could be paged at any hour, an occupation  
hazard of emergency medicine. The only question was whether Randi  
should be calling in the first place. There was part of her that  
insisted that she should respect Weaver's decisions and let her live  
her life how she wanted to. The other half was screaming that Weaver  
was a stubborn, hot-tempered moron that didn't know a damned thing.

Angry at herself for even considering minding her own business she  
grabbed the phone... 

"So you told her you were gay?"

"She needed to know that being gay wasn't some disease that would ruin   
her life."

Maggie couldn't help but smirk as she imaged what Romano's reaction  
must've been to that little tidbit. She seriously liked this woman; it  
was no wonder that she and Weaver had been close. They were so much  
alike and so different. They probably contrasted each other perfectly.  
"Have you seen about a lawyer yet?"

"No, not yet." Kim sighed. "At first, I just figured it would blow  
over, and now...it feels like it would be an admission of  
responsibility. Like admitting I did something wrong."

"You need to get one as soon as possible. Don't let yourself feel bad  
about it, you've got a right to defend yourself legally. In the  
meantime, I'll keep looking for evidence." Maggie stood up and headed  
for the door.

Kim walked her out and shook her hand. "Dr. Doy...Maggie, I want you  
to know how much I appreciate this," she said. "I can't tell you how  
good it feels to have someone fight for me."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Maggie assured her. "Self-respect's a  
bitch...but so am I." 

They traded smiling "goodnights" as Maggie left and Kim closed the door  
behind her. Maggie waited to hear the deadbolt lock out of habit, then  
turned away, unable to shake the feeling that there was something  
missing from all of this. Kim's mention of someone fighting for her  
seemed to hold real bitterness. It could have meant that the hospital  
administration hadn't supported her, or that the detectives who  
investigated the truth of such matters hadn't done so, but Maggie  
thought it was more personal. Someone very close to Kim hadn't been  
there for her when needed. Maggie had an idea of who that might be,  
and she wasn't happy about it.

Filing it away for later she started down the sidewalk for her car,  
yelping as a vibration shot through her back pocket. She leaned  
against her BMW's fender and abruptly yanked the cell phone out. "This  
had better be good..." she barked, then scowled. "Randi, I told you  
not to call unless it was an emergen... Yeah, so...?"

Maggie went silent as what the dark-haired woman on the other end was   
saying began to make sense. "All right, well if she that's what she  
wants then there's nothing we can do about... Yes, I'm being serious!"

She listened impatiently to her 'agent's suggestion, then replied, "I  
don't think that's a good idea... You do realize that she'll kill  
you..."

They debated it a little more, and then Maggie gave up and rubbed at  
her forehead. "Fine," she said. "It's your funeral..." 

"You're going the wrong way," Kerry stated flatly. 

Randi squinted at the highway lazily. "Are you sure? Maybe you should  
look at the map, 'cause I could have sworn..." 

"I don't need the map, Randi. The sun's on the wrong side of the sky."

"Well, you know, sometimes at this latitude, and given the time of  
year..."

"Turn. Around. Now." Kerry narrowed her eyes at the desk clerk.

The desk clerk cursed under her breath and yanked the car across three   
lanes onto the off ramp. Without slowing, she skidded onto the over  
bridge and onto the ramp heading the opposite direction. "Okay. You  
win."

Kerry's mood didn't abate. Last night she'd heard the dark-haired  
woman leave the room, and this morning she'd discovered her briefcase  
lying on its back. "We're going to have a little talk, Randi. I was  
prepared to put up with you coming along as long as you did what I told  
you. But invading my privacy is completely unacceptable."

"Oh, c'mon, did you really think I wasn't gonna be curious?" 

"Randi, I swear, you talk back to me one more time, and..."

"Shut up, Kerry!" Randi exploded. She'd experience plenty of Weaverish  
bitchiness in her day, but after almost twenty-four hours of constant  
proximity to it, even she was fed up. "Just because you blew it with  
the blonde doesn't mean you can take it out on me!"

Kerry slowly glanced over at Randi and stared into her surprised eyes.  
The desk clerk blushed slightly as she realized what she'd said, and   
turned back to the road.

"How did you...?" She stopped as the obviousness of the situation  
presented itself. "How long have you known?"

"About a month." 

A month, Kerry thought silently. For the last month, Randi Fronczak,  
the Gossip Fountain who spread rumors faster than the Internet, had  
known that she was involved with another woman. The fear that had  
paralyzed her in Romano's office, and in front of the detectives, took  
hold of her again, stronger than ever. All her strength, all her  
anger, all her dignity and authority was stripped away, and all Kerry  
had left was a kind of naked defenselessness and the exposure of her  
shameful secret.

When Randi pulled the car over and stopped by the roadside, Kerry  
almost expected the clerk to throw her out in disgust. She expected  
hate or anger. She even expected fear and curiosity. But when Randi   
finally did risk another look at her, all she saw in the younger   
woman's face was regret.

"I can't believe you just let her go like that," Randi said quietly.  
"You haven't even tried to get her back."

"What's the point?" Kerry's voice, when she found it, was soft and  
thin.

"You love her."

She couldn't argue with that, but hearing someone else say it was hard.  
"What's that to you?" she countered, weakly.

Randi gave her a shrug and a sad little smile. "I'm a romantic at  
heart," she said. "What can I say?" She started the car again and  
they picked up speed.

Kerry turned back to the window, watching the trees go by in almost a  
trance. I love her, she thought to herself, but...how can I ask her to  
love me, too...when I don't even love myself?

Title: Every Once In A While  
Parts: 3/?  
Rating: PG-13/R  
Pairing: Weaver, Legaspi, Randi, Doyle, Ensemble  
Beta Reader: Scotty Kira Drag fighter Welles

Spoilers: Hell yeah. For most if not all of season seven

The halls were quieter than she remembered. Each patient seemed tired  
and drawn. The nurses rushing around in chaos, trying to keep up with  
each case. Greene seemed to be exhausted and agitated. Yelling out  
orders at the residents and orderlies. 

The old board was now replaced with a clear plastic board that lowered  
and raised. Even the desk itself had been rearranged. Now there was  
an oval desk, split in half. Everything had been reorganized, and  
shuffled, making her old work place seem like a strange land. She  
remembered how hectic and busy it could be, but did there used to be an  
undercurrent of excitement? Even a degree of fun? What had happened  
to this place?

"Hey, Maggie...!"

Carter's boyish smile assured her that she was in the right place.  
Even his eyes were lit up, making her feel slightly guilty over not  
having made time to keep up their friendship. Especially when she  
noticed the loss of innocence in his eyes. "Hey yourself, hijo," she  
replied, her own smile appearing.

The handsome young man clapped her on the shoulder, a brotherly gesture  
that might have been a hug under other circumstances. "Kerry told me  
you might be stopping by," he said.

'Kerry, huh?' She chuckled softly. A couple of years ago, Carter  
would've balked at calling the fearsome Dr. Weaver by her first name.  
"When exactly did she tell you?"

"This morning. She called to complain about Randi. Apparently..."  
Carter paused to laugh shortly. "Get this. Apparently, she stowed  
away in Kerry's car. Can you believe that?"

Maggie cleared her throat innocently, unable to stop the small smirk  
from twitching at her lips. She quickly got control of herself as  
Carter narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Did she also tell you that I'm  
looking into the sexual harassment charges?"

Carter took her arm and started to walk down the hall towards Trauma  
two. "Yeah," he said, lowering his voice. "She asked me to help you  
anyway I could. She's really worried about this thing with Dr.  
Legaspi." 

Maggie followed him into the empty trauma room and glanced around. She  
wasn't sure why she'd wanted to see the room. There wasn't any  
physical evidence to find. Not where sexual harassment involved. Her  
eyes traveled over the floor, the tables, counters, security cameras...

Her eyes darted back to the security camera in the corner. She didn't  
recall it being there when she was working here. They'd been installed  
in the hallways and other public areas shortly after Mark Greene was  
violently assaulted, she recalled, but trauma and recovery rooms were  
considered off-limits for privacy reasons. "When was that put in?"   
Maggie asked.

"She had them installed after...about a year ago," Carter told her,  
looking distinctly unsettled. "They're in all the rooms."

Maggie remembered hearing about the Sobriki stabbings last year. Some  
of Chicago's medical community, with their typically morbid humor,  
referred to it as 'The St. Valentine's Day Massacre.' Maggie didn't  
think it was funny at all. She'd known Lucy Knight, too.

"You know, it's funny," Carter said, making an obvious effort to think  
about something else, "Kerry first experimented with videotaping  
traumas a few years ago. The first incoming trauma I ever ran, she  
caught on tape and made me look like a total idiot. Caught me wiping  
my nose with my gloved hand and everything." 

"Is that so?" Maggie replied absently, her mind on other things.

"Could have been worse. She also caught Mark telling Doug some things  
about his marital life that were really..."

"Too bad those things aren't running full-time," she said.

"They are now," Carter told her. "There's a motion sensor, so they  
automatically start taping whenever someone's in the room." He waved  
at the camera and said, "Smile. You're on County Camera." 

Maggie looked at the cameras with renewed interest. "So...they would  
have been rolling while Dr. Legaspi talked to the girl in here, right?"

"Sure. I'm sure the detectives would've checked the tapes, if that's  
what you're thinking."

"That's what I'm thinking," she nodded. So wouldn't that have cleared  
things up one way or another? Assuming, of course, that they actually  
watched the tapes while investigating. If they hadn't... "Do you keep  
the tapes?"

"Yeah, of course. In the security office." 

Maggie faced him more fully. "Wouldn't there be a record of when those  
tapes were viewed?"

Carter met her gaze as realization set in. "There's one way to find  
out..." 

The highways and byways of America flew by, but Kerry kept her eyes on  
the road ahead, tuning out the sights along with the sound of her  
passenger's arguments.

"What good is this going to do?" Randi asked for the hundredth time.  
"You really think things'll be any better in San Francisco, or are you   
just using it as an excuse to run away from your problems?" 

She ignored the dark-haired woman and coaxed the car to go a little  
faster. They were about a day from their destination.

"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd let your own fear conquer   
you," Randi sneered. "I used to think you were the toughest woman I  
ever met outside of prison. Maybe inside, too." 

She knew what Randi was trying to do. She'd been doing it since they'd  
started for California. For some reason, she was actually attempting  
to get her angry. The entire time she'd known the desk clerk, it had  
been a constant battle between them, but this was a first, even for  
her.

"I mean, you've never run from anything." Randi shook her head sadly.  
Gazing at her as though she didn't even recognize her. "But as soon as   
you let someone get inside your skin, you take the first opportunity to  
head for the hills? Jeez, talk about wimping out..."

Kerry knew that the desk clerk wasn't going to shut up until she'd  
coaxed some sort of reaction from her. "I'm doing this for Kim."

"Oh. So the blonde asked you give up your job, your home, and your  
friends. And you oblige. Gee, how sweet."

She felt the familiar flash of anger threaten to come out. Fighting  
against the rage she spoke softly, no longer trying to hide the  
emotional pain she felt. "I didn't say she asked me. I said I'm doing  
this for her." 

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is, she deserves someone better than me."

Randi sighed. "So what? Even if you two are through, why do you have   
to move away? Chicago's your hometown, too. And you were at County  
first."

Kerry shrugged. "It's not that simple, Randi. I just...I don't think  
I can handle seeing her now." And being around her, but not with her,  
hurts too much, she added to herself.

"I don't believe it. How on earth could the cops miss something like  
this?" Carter stared at the silent screen, watching as Kim listened  
to the young girl talk. Every few minutes, a nurse entered the room,  
grabbed something, then ran out again. Finally the blonde spoke, and  
the girl relaxed a great deal. Dr. Legaspi squeezed her hand and left.

"Maybe they didn't," Maggie replied, also watching the screen. "Maybe   
they watched them and didn't find anything, but just neglected to make  
a record of their viewing. It wouldn't be the first time people around  
here didn't fill out all the paperwork that they're supposed..."

"Wait a minute..." Carter rewound and froze the tape, and frowned  
slightly. Standing just inside the doorway connecting to trauma one  
was Conni Oligario. "You see that?"

Maggie leaned forward, starting to smile. "Well, what do you know..."

Randi hated to admit it, but she could understand exactly where Weaver  
was coming from. The ER Chief honestly believed that her love affair  
with Legaspi was completely over. She was also totally in love with  
her blonde lover, and Randi could just imagine what it would be like to  
see the one she loved every day. Every day, she would be a reminder of  
what Kerry'd lost, and might never have again. All's fair in love and  
war, or so they said. But while Kerry Weaver was fearless and  
invincible in war (and what was emergency medicine but a form of war),  
she was utterly vulnerable when it came to love. Randi had seen that  
long ago, and kept it to herself.

But she'd be damned if she were going to sit back and let the ER become  
Romano's personal dumping ground again. Weaver was strict, and could  
be temperamental, but at least she treated everyone with respect. If  
that meant Randi had to tie her up and drive her back to Chicago at  
gunpoint, so be it.

"Running isn't going to make it go away," she tried again.

"Do you like to walk?" Kerry asked.

Randi eyed her suspiciously. "Not really..." 

"Then unless you want to walk to California, shut up." 

She let out a sigh and tilted her seat back a few degrees more. Thelma  
probably wanted to bitch-slap Louise once in a while, too, she reminded  
herself.

"...that was when Dr. Legaspi told her she was gay," Conni concluded.  
"She wasn't touching the patient or acting flirtatious, or anything  
like that."

"You're certain about that?"

"She acted like one of the nuns in Sunday School." Conni nodded for  
emphasis. "I've seen patients in all kinds of states after suicide  
attempts, and I tell you that girl was NOT acting violated. If  
anything, she looked like she couldn't care less."

Maggie gave an inward sigh of relief. Conni Oligario might not be  
entirely comfortable with gay women, but she was the soul of honesty.  
"Why didn't you tell this to the detectives?"

"I did. Don't ask me whether they wrote it down or anything."

The lounge door slammed open as Malucci entered. "Conni, what did you  
do with Miss Carthay's labs?"

"I put them on her chart!"

"Well, they're not there now." Malucci gave her a look of disappointed  
expectation and walked out again.

"Residents..." Conni let out a deeply put-upon sigh and dumped her  
coffee. "I've got to go." 

The nurse exited, and Maggie stood up, wincing as her bones popped  
loudly. She'd been working on this thing for the last 24 hours. Now  
at least all her work was starting to go someplace. 

She could feel Carter pacing right behind her, struggling to keep  
quiet. She'd agreed to let him tag along, mainly because she felt like  
he wasn't telling her something. If things worked out, she'd try to  
get it out of him. Later.

"Why the hell would the cops keep pursuing this thing?" he wondered  
aloud. "If they talked to Conni and saw the tape, they should have   
dismissed this right away.

Maggie turned to her friend, tempted to respond. It still surprised  
her, after all these years, how he could be so naive. Just like when  
he'd covered up for Dale Edson's screwups, citing some kind of  
Musketeers' credo... "It's not that simple."

Carter stopped pacing and squared off with her. "Yes it is. She's  
innocent. We've got a tape, and an eyewitness."

"Yeah, but they've got more than that." She told Carter what her  
father had turned up: Shannon Wallace's father was a close friend of  
the Mayor. Add on to that his being the personal doctor of the police   
chief. Then of course, there were the two detectives, both of whom  
were known for their bigotry. Carter listened and nodded, but it was  
clear he didn't like it either. "Why are you so interested in what  
happens to Legaspi?" Maggie asked him. 

"She shouldn't get persecuted just for doing her job," Carter replied.  
"And...because Kerry cares about her." 

'Kerry' again. Not 'Dr. Weaver'. "And you care about Kerry, don't  
you?"

"Yeah. She bent over backwards to help me when I was screwing up my  
life and my career. A lot of people would have just let me go."  
Carter smiled, relaxing a little. "I still don't know her very well,   
but there were times when I lived in her house that I could see how  
lonely she is. She deserves a friend like Dr. Legaspi." 

She had to smile at the term 'friend'. That same naiveté kept him from  
seeing what was really going on between Weaver and Legaspi. But Maggie  
had her own ideas about them. She'd recognized the way the older woman  
had acted when she'd talked about Legaspi. She'd seen certain signs  
when Legaspi had taken the picture from her. "They're a little beyond  
friends, Carter. They're lovers."

"I know." He nodded. "At least they were."

Ah. So he wasn't totally dense, just too much of a gentleman to blurt  
out his friend's secret. Maggie liked that. "What happened between  
them?" 

The anxious energy drained from his body as he slumped against the  
counter. "I don't know. You know how private Kerry is, she never  
talks about her private life. All she would tell me is that she  
screwed up." He suddenly re-energized. "So now what? We've gotta do  
something about all this." 

Maggie thought about it. "I know someone who'd like to meet you."

"Really? Is she pretty?"

She snorted with laughter. "No, he's not."

The air was warmer now. Warm enough that she could get away with a  
pair of jeans and an old sweater. She smiled gently at the sight  
around her. Miles of wilderness. Mountains with freshly melted snow  
running from them. Rivers rushing through at their highest level.

She was glad she'd listened to Randi. Pulling off the highway, onto  
one of the parks to eat lunch had been an excellent idea. No matter  
how much the clerk nagged at her and got on her nerves, Kerry was  
secretly glad to have the company. 

"Did I ever tell you I was engaged to be married?" Randi asked out of  
nowhere, swallowing a mouthful of pastrami on rye.

"No." Kerry glanced at her in surprise. She recalled how Kim had  
responded to her own prior marriage. "You didn't."

Randi nodded thoughtfully, taking another bite of her sandwich. "Yeah.  
Only man I ever really loved, and it scared me. I was this  
troublemaker that no one wanted to get close to, then one day I met  
Kelley. He saw right past it all." 

Much as Kim had seen through her... "What happened?" 

Randi looked hesitant for one of the few times Kerry had ever seen.  
"The night after he proposed, I...went to this club and started a  
fight. I had been messing with this one guy in particular. He finally  
had enough and came at me. I pulled my gun and that's when the police  
showed up. I'd found it in a gutter a few months earlier. Turned out  
to have been a murder weapon. The police charged me for that, too,  
though the murder charge was dismissed later on. But Kelley... The  
look in his eyes when he found out..."

Ignoring the rest of her yogurt, Kerry thought about the time she'd  
caught Jerry and the nurses betting on what Randi had served time in  
prison for. She'd been the one to brazenly pose the question in front  
of everyone, and the guarded look on Randi's face as she replied,  
"Malicious mischief...assault...battery...possession of a concealed   
weapon...and aggravated mayhem," was fresh in Kerry's memory. Like she  
was challenging them to make something out of it. No one had.

Randi numbly put her sandwich back in its wrapper. "I was scared to  
let anyone in, and I let that fear drive me. It was the last time I  
saw him. I didn't even try to get him back, and it's something I've  
lived with ever since." She turned to Kerry, letting the mask drop for  
just a second. Allowing her boss to see the just how intelligent and  
serious she was. "If you love someone...anyone," Randi told her in a   
whisper, "don't give them up without a fight."

Kerry swallowed as she realized that the woman she thought could never   
possibly understand her knew her better than anyone else. Their eyes  
held each other for a long moment before Kerry blinked and took a swig  
of her diet soda. Her mouth had gone very dry.

Just as quickly the gum-chewing street-smart woman was back, and  
walking toward the driver's side door. "Come on, if we get going we  
can make Cali by tomorrow." She smirked before getting in the car. "I  
heard Tool going to be in town for a concert." 

Kerry tossed her trash into the trash can next to the picnic table, and  
made her way to the other door. Settling into her seat she struggled  
to get their original relationship back. "Is that a band or a hardware  
store?"

"So this is John Carter." The pepper-haired man squinted at the young  
resident. "I expected you to be younger, somehow...and short, with  
pimples."

Carter smiled gamely and shook Doyle's hand. "Well, you grow up fast   
in the ER. Nice to meet you, sir."

"Is he the one you took to the pistol range," the older man asked his   
daughter, "and he blew out the exit sign?"

Maggie fought back a smile as Carter threw a look at her. "Did you   
find out anything?"

Her father tore his gaze away from Carter and nodded absently. He  
pushed a folder across the booth table. "Apparently, Miss Wallace is  
quite the victim." 

Maggie opened the folder, and skimmed the first page with disbelief.  
"I don't believe it..."

Carter leaned over, trying to read the file over her shoulder.

She held it against her chest, not wanting to spoil the surprise just   
yet. "John," she asked coyly. "Did you ever read the story about the  
boy who cried 'Wolf'?"

"Yeah, sure."

"How about the girl who cried 'harassment'?" she added, and her smile  
was wolfish in its own right.

Title: Every Once In A While  
Part: 4/?  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Weaver, Legaspi, Randi, Doyle, Ensemble  
Beta Reader: Scotty Worf Welles   
Spoilers: Yep, yep, and yep  
Disclaimer: Not mine, theirs. 

  
24 Hours Later  


For the first time in days Kerry was relaxed, as she sat across from  
her old college roommate. Dr. J.D. Anderson was slightly grayed on the  
sides, but otherwise she was still the same. Bright gold hair that  
seemed to simmer under the sun's gaze. Deep green eyes that reminded  
her of the rolling hills in Ireland. Her body was even curvier than  
she remembered. The gentle slope of her chest barely visible under the  
professional black skirt suit she wore. Even her hips seemed to be  
rounder and fuller under the ankle-length skirt hugging her body, the  
slit along the side falling open to give her a disturbingly good idea  
of what was underneath.

Not that she really needed the idea. She still recalled the image of  
Jamie as she would dress in front of her every morning, without caring  
just how much Kerry saw. Between that and the frequent showers that  
she'd take, using nothing but a skimpy towel to get from the dorm  
shower to their room, Kerry knew exactly what lay beneath.

Her tongue darted out to wet her suddenly parched lips, and she tried  
to focus on what Jamie was saying.

"...you would have a 10 percent salary increase, and we'll match any  
benefits that County has given you." Jamie leaned forward, her low cut  
shirt pulling tautly across her chest, letting her cleavage show. "You  
have no idea how much I'm looking forward to working with you." 

Kerry smiled, trying desperately to keep her eyes on her face. "I  
haven't decided to take it, yet." 

"Nevertheless...I know you, Kerry, and you wouldn't be here if you  
didn't intend to take us up on the offer." Jaime walked around her  
desk and perched on the corner, letting her leg brush up against hers.  
"I was hoping we could have dinner together tonight. Catch up on old  
times..."

Kerry found her eyes wandering on their own volition, her mind not far   
behind. "I'd like that."

Jamie's smile seemed seductive as she walked her to her office door.  
Nodding once at Randi as she noticed them. Jamie took Kerry's hand,  
letting her thumb brush over the skin.

Kerry found herself getting lost in her impossibly green eyes, her own  
thumb massaging the silky skin under it. She was starting to think  
that maybe her moving wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"A date...? You just got into town and already you're going on a  
date?!"

Kerry rolled her eyes as the desk clerk turned an interesting shade of  
purple. "It's not a date. We're just old friends trying to catch up."

"Yeah, I know what she's hoping to catch..."

She let out a sigh of exasperation. "Not that it's any of your  
business, but Jamie's married. I attended her wedding. And even if  
she was gay and available, I'm not looking for..."

"Oh, please, I saw how you two were looking at each other!"

Kerry stopped walking. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked   
icily.

"I could practically smell the hormones between you. God, you're just  
about as bad as Malucci!" 

She narrowed her eyes at Randi, silently daring her to keep going with  
that line of thought. "That," she said slowly, "was completely  
uncalled-for."

"You're right," Randi snarled. "It's not fair to insult Malucci just  
because he's horny. But at least he knows what he wants and he's cool  
with it. You can't even admit you're turned on by a woman!"

"Randi, I've put up with your insipid commentary on my personal life so  
far, but you're on the verge..."

"This is exactly what you said happened with Legaspi," Randi insisted.  
"You've run all the way across the country so you wouldn't have to deal  
with the mistakes you made with her, and you're gonna make all the same  
mistakes with this woman, too!"

The knuckles on her crutch's grip were white and trembling. "Randi..."

"And all because you're afraid of what people might think." Randi  
shook her head in disgust. "No wonder Legaspi dumped you." 

Kerry's free hand caught her across the mouth.

Randi gasped in shock, a shaky statement on her face. Kerry took a  
step toward her, causing the desk clerk to take a nervous step back,  
her face stinging from the slap. She was an able-bodied street  
fighter, and she was certain she could take Kerry Weaver easily enough  
on a normal day. But the look of quiet fury in Kerry's eyes had her   
scared. Oh, this time she was going to pay.

With effort, Kerry got hold of herself and allowed a humorless smile to  
ghost across her face. All she said before turning away was, "Go home,   
Randi."

"Doctor Doyle," her old nemesis drawled, pronouncing each syllable  
deliberately. "It's been too long since we lost the pleasure of your  
company."

"Since I quit, you mean?" Maggie replied easily. "And the pleasure was  
all yours."

Robert Romano smiled, snakelike. "I expected we'd see you again, but I  
thought it would be asking for your job back. Not hanging around  
playing Nancy Drew." 

"I've got a job, thanks. And Nancy Drew's not my style. I'm more the  
Gina Gershon type."

He was obviously getting bored with the banter. "And just who, may I  
ask, gave you permission to go gallivanting around my ER?"

Maggie fought back the smirk that was dying to get out. The pompous,   
arrogant bastard was about to get a surprise that he would not forget.  
"Dr. Weaver. You know, the one you appointed Chief of that same ER?  
The one who you're on the verge of losing, according to my sources."

The bald man's face lost all of its good humor. "Losing?"

"Right. Maybe what I've found out can help prevent that, but maybe  
not. That's kind of up to her."

Romano narrowed his eyes as he studied her carefully. Behind his  
carefully guarded expression, Maggie imagined him weighing pros and  
cons, trying to decide what he'd do without Kerry Weaver to handle the  
messy chores of running the ER for him. Subtly, he became almost  
cheerful. "I see." He sat down and glanced at her expectedly. "So,  
what exactly have you found out?"

Maggie allowed the smirk to surface as she settled back. She'd just  
hit a hole in one. 

Kerry sighed in contentment, pushing aside the last of her cheesecake.  
"That was delicious, thank you," she said. 

"I wish I could claim credit for it," Jamie replied. "But it's from a  
little shop I know." 

"You'll have to tell me which one," Kerry smiled. "I may become a  
regular patron."

Jamie shook her head. "Only if you're prepared to kiss that slim  
figure of yours goodbye."

"You don't seem to have lost yours," Kerry countered with a laugh.  
"God, Jamie, it's good to see you again. There was a long period after  
my divorce when I didn't have any real friends."

"Not even that attractive young woman who was with you earlier?"

"Randi? No, she's not exactly a friend...just someone I work with." 

"In Chicago?"

"Yes, she talked me into letting her come along for the ride..."

"I see." Jamie refilled the wineglasses. "She seemed upset that you  
were having dinner with me, and I thought...perhaps you and she..." 

"No, no, she's straight," Kerry hastened to interject. "I mean, there's  
nothing going on between us..." 

Jamie said nothing, but smiled quietly.

Kerry found herself slightly uncomfortable in the silence, and looked  
around the apartment. It was softly lit and well-decorated, much like  
her own house. Jamie's love of art was still evident, but she'd   
obviously matured in her tastes since her trendy-teen days. The stereo  
was on, playing a soft concerto. It hadn't taken her long to realize  
that Jamie lived here alone. "How long have you and Simon been  
separated?"

"Almost three years," Jamie said. "The kids live with him. With his   
hours, compared to mine, it's easier on them."

"I'm sorry," Kerry said.

"Thank you, but don't be. It was a mutual decision on everyone's  
part." Jamie smiled calmly. "Our marriage had run its course, and we  
both knew it was over."

Kerry nodded. "Was there someone else?"

"Oh, there were other women here and there, but we were both all right  
with that. It's not why we broke up. We still love each other, we're  
just not in love anymore." 

Kerry sipped her wine and remembered how certain Simon and Jamie had  
seemed as they exchanged vows. And Simon had never struck her as the  
sort to cheat on her...

"My turn, Kerry. Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." 

Jamie raised an eyebrow and plowed on. "What changed your mind about  
the job?"

Kerry lowered her wineglass, trying to buy some time. "I didn't change  
my mind," she hedged. "I just made it up. Like I said, I hadn't  
decided yet. Now I have."

"You're as good at avoiding the point as ever, I see." Jamie leaned   
forward. "Okay, let me put it another way. What made you choose to  
leave County?"

Kerry had forgotten how hard it was to keep things secret from her old  
friend. She was worried about how Jamie would take finding out that  
she was gay, how the administrator in her would take to finding out she  
was run...she was leaving over a woman.

"Kerry?" 

Kerry glanced up into those warm emerald eyes and melted. J.D. was a  
close friend, had been for some time. Administrator or not, she  
deserved the truth.

"It's a long story." 

Kim frowned as the doorbell rang. She'd been expecting Kerry to show  
up and ask to talk, but other than the note she'd left in her mailbox,  
she hadn't tried to contact her. She had a feeling that that was about  
to end.

Steeling herself to deal with her redheaded ex, she opened the door,  
and her heart dropped at the sight of Maggie. She cursed herself for  
feeling this way, for wanting Kerry to be standing there instead. She  
had no idea when she'd decided she wanted to forgive her lover, but she  
had. 

"Can I come in?"

"Sure, of course." Kim moved to the side and allowed her to enter.

The dark-haired doctor followed her into the living room, not bothering   
to suppress the triumphant smirk. "I thought you'd want to know that  
the investigation and your suspension has been dropped."

Kim's jaw dropped in surprise. "How...?" 

Maggie's smile got even wider. "Turns out this isn't the first time  
Miss Wallace has pressed sexual harassment charges against a  
psychiatrist. Plus we managed to get hold of a security tape, showing  
Conni listening to the whole thing."

"Then I've been cleared," Kim muttered in relief. For the first time   
that week she felt the pain begin to lift, if only a little. 

Maggie had been hoping for a happier reaction, but she could understand  
how drained the situation left Kim feeling. "I should get going. I'll  
let myself out..."

Kim ignored her as her knees gave out.

Jamie blinked, once, twice and three times, her entire face was slack  
with shock. Even her normally dark emerald eyes seemed to have  
darkened a few shades. Kerry swallowed as she came to the conclusion  
that she'd misjudged her friend after all.

"So...you still have feelings for this woman," Jamie said slowly, "but   
you couldn't stand by her when she needed you?"

Kerry nodded, her lips tight.

"Because of what people would think?" The blonde woman shook her head.  
"Honey, the Robert Romanos of this world come and go. Don't let them  
take you with them."

Kerry pushed back her chair from the table, stretching her leg out.  
"Jamie, I don't think you appreciate the effect it would have on my  
authority if everyone knew that...that I..." Her voice broke off,  
unable to form the words.

Jamie laughed musically. "Oh, Kerry, you haven't changed a bit," she  
said, moving her own chair around so she could take Kerry's hand.  
"You're the most rational, mature woman I know one minute, and then a  
frightened child the next. You can analyze situations and make  
decisions under conditions that would have most people scared stiff,  
and yet you're willing to throw away everything you've gained in your  
life rather than risk being called a dyke?"

She looked away. "Don't say that. I hate that word."

"So do I, Kerry, but it's just a word. It's sound waves on air."

"Jamie, that's easy for you to say..." Kerry began.

"Yes, it is," her friend interrupted her. "I've heard it plenty of  
times. Everyone knows about me, Kerry, and nobody cares. Well, nobody  
I care about, anyway."

Kerry looked into her friend's eyes in surprise. "Knows...what?"

Again she felt the warm softness of Jamie's fingers against her own.   
"Kerry, those other women I mentioned earlier? They weren't Simon's.  
They were mine."

"You...?"

"He knew, and he understood. I loved him most of all, for a time, but   
I've always had needs he couldn't satisfy."

Kerry found herself at a loss for words. Randi was right; this was  
exactly what had happened with Kim. Dinner with a friend, the  
revelation of unexpected desire, confusion...

Jamie's face was bright with amusement. "All that time I spent  
fantasizing about you in med school, and you didn't even know you were  
gay." 

Kerry felt her jaw drop. "You were fantasizing about me...?"

Jamie threw her head back, flipping her hair back, as she let out a  
laugh. "I had this horrid crush on you. I thought you were the  
greatest thing to come along since computers were invented." She  
brushed a strand of hair off of Kerry's forehead.

Kerry felt her face warm up under the blonde's intense gaze. She sat  
back, slipping her hands out of Jamie's. "Why...why didn't you tell  
me?"

"For a long time, I thought it was just a sisterly thing, until after   
graduation, and by then I was married." Her smile turned sad. "I  
thought you just weren't interested. Or maybe I wasn't ready."

Kerry thought of all the time she'd wasted before returning Kim's  
affections. "Maybe...maybe I'm the one who wasn't ready," she  
whispered.

Jamie's eyes focused, showing she knew what Kerry meant better than  
Kerry did. Moving slowly, she stood up, and offered her hand to Kerry.   
"Are you ready now?"

Kerry looked at her intently, then took the hand and stood, leaving the  
crutch where it was, leaning against the table. She took Jamie's other  
hand in hers, and closed the distance between them.

Their lips drifted closer, until she shivered as they brushed together.  
The question in her mind was answered, and she pressed her body closer   
to Jamie's, wanting more, needing more. If there had been any doubt in  
her mind about her sexuality, there wasn't one now. 

Randi climbed out of the taxi, cursing Kerry. She honestly thought  
that the redhead was just blowing hot air to keep her in line on the  
trip, but it was obvious that Randi had crossed the line. The look of  
death on Kerry's face had petrified her. The worst of it had been the  
utter silence of the older woman as she'd simply climbed into the  
driver's seat of the car and driven off without her.

The guilt was just as bad. Of course, she'd realized her mistake the  
minute she'd compared her to Malucci. She hadn't meant to say it, she  
didn't even believe it. But she was just getting so frustrated with  
the intractable ER Chief. If Chief she still was.

It was so easy to see how much Weaver and Legaspi loved each other.  
How much they belonged together, but Kerry just refused to see it.  
Now, she was out with that...that...bimbo, doing who knows what.

Well, screw it, Randi thought. Screw 'em all! Maggie Doyle had just  
asked her to keep tabs on Weaver and make sure she didn't jump off a  
bridge in a fit of broken-hearted remorse or something, not to police  
her sex life. Whatever advice or understanding Randi had given Kerry  
was just out of the goodness of her heart, and if Weaver wanted to   
ignore it all and shack up with the first bleached-blonde   
Linda-Evans-wannabe-looking bitchcake she ran into, that was her   
problem. You try to be someone's friend, and see where it gets you...

She threw open the door to her hotel room, her mood taking a turn for  
the worse.

Kerry stared up at the ceiling as her body came down from its high.  
She could feel Jamie's warm body huddled against her. The gentle  
fragrance relaxed her tired body, soothing the stress of the last few  
weeks from her system.

It was...different than it was with Kim, but it wasn't a bad  
difference. There was a connection there. One that had always been  
there, but that she'd chosen to ignore. Kim might've been gone from  
her life, but now there was someone else. Someone she knew well, as a  
close friend, as a roommate, as a colleague. And now, as a lover.

She glanced over at the sleeping woman and smiled. Her life was  
starting to look up.

Title: Every Once In A While  
Part: 5/?  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Weaver, Randi, Doyle, Legaspi, Ensemble  
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles   
Spoilers: Yes, for all of season seven.

  
Three Days Later  


The insistent ringing of the phone sounded jarring in the hotel room.  
Getting up from the desk, she ignored her crutch and hobbled the few  
steps to the bed. Sinking tiredly onto it, she picked up the receiver.  
"Hello?"

"Hello, Kerry," said the cultured British voice. "I hope I haven't   
caught you at an awkward moment...?"

She groaned inwardly at the poorly faked cheerfulness in the voice on  
the other end of the line. Elizabeth was the last person she wanted to   
talk to right now. The surgeon had been exceedingly cold towards her  
for the last few months, not even bothering to try and pretend to be  
social. She could understand the surgeon being protective of her  
fiancee, but this was passing ridiculous. 

She'd only gotten back to her hotel room and begun looking over the  
forms Jamie had printed, formalizing her proposed job description and  
responsibilities, and she was finally feeling at least somewhat decent,  
and already life was trying to destroy her mood. "Of course not," she  
replied civilly.

"It's about my wedding..."

Kerry stilled herself against the pain as she heard the hostility  
tinting her voice. She wasn't the most brilliant woman when it came to  
reading a person, but even she could figure out where this was heading.

"...it seems that there was a mix up with the arrangements. We've got  
106 RSVP's and there's only room for 75..."

She could feel the awkward resentment hanging between them and decided  
to end this quickly. To the woman she had once considered a respected   
colleague, she replied, "I'm sorry, I thought I'd told you. I have a  
conference in Las Vegas that week so I won't be able to make it."

Silence reigned on the other end, and she could imagine the look of  
calm irritation on Corday's face. The surgeon was probably wondering  
whether to be grateful or angry at her giving her an out.

"Well...I hope you have an enjoyable trip."

She closed her eyes, pretending that she hadn't heard the way Elizabeth  
had struggled with the word 'enjoyable'. "Elizabeth...I just want you  
to know how happy I am for you and Mark."

"Of course. I...uh...well, goodbye." Click.

"'Bye..." She whispered into the dial tone. Why did it hurt so much,  
this complete alienation by Mark and Elizabeth, two people she thought  
very highly of? There was a time when she wouldn't have allowed it to  
hurt at all.

For the first ten years of her life she lived on the streets, learning  
how to survive from day to day. No real education, no parents, no  
friends. There was no one there to teach her the fine points of  
socializing and etiquette, but then again there was no place for it on  
the streets.

It wasn't until sometime close to her eleventh birthday that she was  
finally caught by the cops and put into foster care. Almost  
immediately the Weavers had taken her in, first as a foster child and  
later as their adopted daughter.

It was purely through luck that she'd managed to get caught up with her  
education so quickly, even going as far as to surpassing the standard  
level for her age group. Unfortunately, where she'd excelled  
academically, she'd failed socially. Unable to learn the basics of  
such simple things as being friendly.

It was a failing that had followed her constantly through school and  
into medicine. At Sinai she'd found herself hopelessly isolated, but  
years on the street had toughened her skin. She simply ignored  
everyone and went on with her day to day tasks.

At County she'd found the same thing she'd found every place else,  
except their was one difference. Respect. They were a family, all of  
them, even Romano. They all had their place, they all respected each  
other, and that respect was what held them together. No matter what  
happened, despite their personal struggles, despite their personal  
clashes.

Now, that had changed. The little respect that she had earned from  
Mark and Elizabeth was lost with their resentment. They didn't even   
bother to see how she'd battled against Romano when he'd wanted her to  
fire him after his surgery. They didn't even bother to acknowledge her  
concern for him. He didn't even want to admit that if he'd just taken  
the time off she'd offered him, if he'd just listened to her instead of  
walking away, all of this could have been avoided.

Then there was Elizabeth, how many times had she approached her about  
her fiancee? How many times had she tried to talk to her about his  
recovery, and about her concerns? Each time to only have her feign  
ignorance. Each time to get a rushed answer as she tried to avoid the  
truth.

She cared for them both, respected and valued them, and genuinely  
wished them happiness. Why did they have to reject her at ever turn?

It hurt, dammit. It just hurt...

"Hey, you okay?" She glanced up at Jaime as she walked out of the  
bathroom, wrapped in a plush hotel robe, towel cocooning her hair, and  
joined Kerry on the bed. The blonde had decided to join her in her  
hotel room, claiming a fondness for room service.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kerry assured her, nodding toward the papers on the  
desk. "I'm just thinking that job is starting to sound better all the  
time..." 

Jamie smiled, wrapping arms around the redhead. "I knew you'd approve  
of the salary. Not to mention, the, ah, fringe benefits."

Kerry leaned into her old friend's embrace, but her heart wasn't in it.

"So you just left her there?" Maggie put her BMW in gear and pulled  
out of the airport parking lot.

"She hit me," Randi sulked. "You can pay me all you want, but I don't  
take that shit from anybody."

Maggie narrowed her eyes at her friend. "What did you do?"

"I packed my stuff, went to the airport, and called you."

"No, I mean what did you do to make her hit you?"

Randi's voice went up, defensively. "Hey, what makes you think I did   
anything?"

Maggie rolled her eyes as Randi shifted with a scowl. "Randi, I asked  
you to keep an eye on Weaver so she didn't do anything rash. You call  
me up, asking for plane fare home, I'm gonna take that as a sign that  
something went wrong."

"I'll pay you back, okay? Just get off my case!"

"Forget the money. Operative's travel expenses are paid by the  
employer. But what happened with Weaver?"

Randi crossed her arms and looked out the window. "Screw her. She's a  
big girl, she can do whatever she wants."

Maggie blew out an angry breath. "Randi...!" 

"Don't 'Randi' me, Maggie! You ever think maybe you should have just  
left her alone to begin with? I mean, she hired you to clear Legaspi,  
not spy on her!"

"You didn't seem to have any problems tailing her when I asked you!" 

"'Cause I was doing you a favor, you ungrateful bitch! I won't make  
that mistake again!" She turned away in her seat, pointedly ignoring  
the woman in the driver's seat.

Maggie gripped the wheel, her knuckles whitening, but kept her temper.  
"All right," she said at last. "I'm sorry. I put you in a tough   
position, but it's because I was worried about her."

Randi snorted softly.

"I've known people like her, who had trouble coming out," Maggie went  
on steadily. "Particularly at an older age, like Weaver. Some of 'em  
couldn't face it, a few even killed themselves."

Randi turned and looked at Maggie, scorn and anger yielding to concern.  
She recalled how low Weaver's spirits had been in the days following  
her breakup with Dr. Legaspi.

"I didn't want that to happen to her. And I couldn't help her and  
Legaspi at the same time. I needed help from someone I could trust,  
but it couldn't be a stranger. It had to be someone Kerry knew, too.  
So I thought of you."

The young desk clerk felt even lower now. "Look, it's not my fault,"   
she said. "The whole trip she'd been ignoring me and treating me like  
some hitchhiker. Next thing I know she's all over this woman and..."

"What woman?" 

Randi's eyes widened with a strangled choke, realizing she'd just  
betrayed Weaver's confidences. The Chief was going to kill her. She'd  
make a lousy secret agent, she decided. Finding her voice again, she  
said, "Oh, she met this old friend at the hospital where she's  
applying, and they're making goo-goo eyes at each other."

"You mean like...?"

"Yeah. I don't think you have to worry about her coming out..." 

Maggie sighed. "Yeah, but...what am I gonna tell Kim?" 

"I think you should talk to her."

Kerry pushed her plate away, gazing at the cool blonde through half  
lidded eyes. "I will."

"When?"

"When I go back." Kerry sighed softly. "You know that I won't be able  
to leave until my contract runs out next month."

"I know. When are you going back?"

Kerry reached for her hand, for once not bothered by being out in  
public. The restaurant was quiet, the dinner crowd already come and  
gone. "Tomorrow... I have to get back before Mark totally undoes my  
ER."

The problem was it wouldn't be her ER much longer. She would no longer   
be there to keep Malucci in line, or pretend like she didn't know about  
his little crush. She wouldn't have to tell Frank not to run checks on  
their patients, or keep Jerry out of trouble. She would no longer have  
to worry about Carter, making sure the young man she'd always seen as  
her surrogate brother was making it through each day.

And Kim...

"Kerry?"

She looked across the small table at Jamie, knowing her entire train of   
thoughts was visible on her face. Jamie could always read her like a  
book.

"You still love her, don't you?" Jamie said softly. "I understand  
that, but I hope you'll forgive me feeling jealous."

"How...how did you know?"

"You mean besides the fact that you called me by her name when we made  
love?"

A hand flew to Kerry's mouth. "Oh God, Jamie, I didn't mean..."

Jamie smiled sadly. "I know, honey. It doesn't go away all at once."   
She turned her hand over, thumb caressing Kerry's palm. "The only  
thing is, you need to be the one who makes the choice to move past it  
and go forward. I love you, but I can't make that choice for you."

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but every time she tried  
to say what she needed to it reappeared. "I'm...sorry."

Kim knew before Maggie said a word. She listened silently, thanked her  
for the news, even offered the young doctor a cup of coffee, but really  
she couldn't wait until she was alone with the remains of her heart,  
shattered into a thousand pieces.

The idea that her lover...ex-lover was now in the arms of another woman   
had embedded itself into her soul, twisting in her gut. Bleeding the  
already raw wounds until she could only cry out for mercy. 

There was no one but herself to blame for losing Kerry to someone else.  
She'd broken it off herself, she'd told Kerry to go back to her life.  
She'd cried herself to sleep that night with the understanding that she  
would never feel that soft, rose-scented skin against hers again. At  
least her mind understood that, but her heart didn't.

On another level, she'd always believed that this was simply a trial.  
A test of their love, their determination to be together. Even now she  
still had a feeling of hope that everything would work out. That no  
matter how long it took, no matter what they went through, separate or   
together, they would one day be together. Forever.

She tightened her fists as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes.   
So what if there was another woman? Maybe it was what was necessary  
for them to be together in the end, and the end was all that mattered.  
The end was theirs, was hers, and she would be damned if she would give  
that up.

Kerry sat on the cold bed, staring at the black screen of the   
television. Jamie was working, putting in the long, odd hours that  
Kerry was accustomed to herself. It was just as well, in its way. As  
wonderful as their time together had been, Kerry needed the time to  
herself.

She couldn't believe she had done that, but she had. She'd made her  
choice, and now there was no turning back. Jaime was supportive, as  
always, but then again why wouldn't she be?

Now, she had to face that decision. She'd done too much damage to her  
relationship with Kim to ever hope to repair it, but she could at least  
try. She owed her that much, if not more. She wouldn't let herself  
even hope that they could remain on speaking terms, much less anything  
else, but she still needed to do this.

All her adult life she'd pushed everyone around her away, scared of  
what might happen if she let them in. Ellis, Doug, James, and now Kim.  
It was a survival skill that she'd depended on greatly most of her  
life. Now she was caught halfway between the child she used to be and  
the adult that her parents had tried so hard to help her become.

She felt trapped, and she had no idea how to get herself out.


End file.
